Saturday night

Things I should be doing instead of being on the Internet:

Taking a walk outside in the cloudy/sunny sunset
Exercising my paralyzed cat's limbs
Vacuuming the entire house
Playing with my daughter
Reading poetry
Writing poetry
Eating Annie Chun's microwavable noodles

Things I wish I was doing with my life:
Getting a PhD in Creative Writing

I am heading to a bonfire tonight in Brooktondale. Wondering if a see-through shirt is the right attire. Just kidding, but not really, but it's not my fault because that's how they are designing clothes now, so that you need to wear a "cami" or something underneath--to buy another shirt to wear under your shirt. Very annoying.

I feel like I am stoppered up with unlived desires and the avoidance of things which I must do and never do. Like, 2 years ago the DMV sent me the title to my car. It had a mistake on it, which I was supposed to notify them about. Or: I have gotten my teeth cleaned about once a year and each time, have failed to send in the forms so that my insurance co. reimburses me. This then makes me avoid getting them cleaned a second time (and you are supposed to do it twice a year to avoid a scathing lecture from the hygienist), since that will be $100 more I am shelling out and never getting back. So when all my teeth fall out, I will have reaped what I have sown. Also, I am terrible at correspondance. Sending me a gift through the mail is the worst thing a person could do, because I will never, ever send a gift /card back and yet, the thought that I should do so will sit there in my brain occupying space, never leaving, like a stain that gets bigger and bigger with all the people who send cards or gifts over the years (for some reason, that makes me think of a Tony Hoagland poem in which he compares the memory of a past love to a stain on the bedsheets of his mind).

I can't use my energy efficiently because if I could, I would do what I should do and also what I want to do. Instead, I really do neither most of the time. I guess I am counting on having a long life span over which to spread my efforts.